Jasmine Hart

Jasmine is getting a little scared of all the pistols and flying furniture, so she decides to sit under the table for cover. This gets very boring so she crawls ...

Now you're in business!This is more original, and I liked it so much more. I think that free verse suits you better than rhyme.Your imagery is so much better here, ...

The enjambment in this is good. However some of the rhyming is forced, and you deviated from the scheme which you'd established, which threw me. I'd rework "The day is ...

I agree with cadmium about your verbs. There isn't anything wrong with this, and, as was said, the rhythm of the ending is great.However, because I am so fussy, I ...

I liked it.Your imagery was great. I really enjoyed the beginning, but I think I'd change "I look at the sky and wonder what exists past the clouds". as it's ...

I love it. Your sentiments are beautifully expressed, I love the fourth line, and: "Each hour a blur of computer screens and screaming phones." My only nitpick is the last ...

This isn't overly original, but, if I put that to one side, there isn't really anything majorly wrong with this. For the sake of experimentation, I'd suggest rewriting this, using ...

I love it, it's really beautiful. Put an apostrophe in "passions", to show posession. I'd change "in my" to "into". I'd omit "bright' before "stars", as it makes the line ...

I'd add punctuation and capital letters. I'd say "days when hope had wings", as I think it flows better.The last stanza was jerky.I'd scrap it and rewrite it altogether.You had ...

This was lovely. The couplets were perfect, and the imagery was beautiful. I'd put a comma after "bitter", and a two syllabyl adjective before "glow", and change "on" to "upon". ...

The others have made good points. I'd change "lay" to "lie", as it sounds more natural. I'd change "My eyes get heavy", as it is a bit cliche. I'd scrap ...

I agree that this was out of character, but, if I ignore that, I really love this. It was beautifully written, and your imagery was amazing, especially "sunlit gold". I ...

I really enjoyed this.Your imagery was good, and you expressed yourself very well.I'd get rid of the comma after "nothing", and change "so" to "as".I'd get rid of the fullstop ...

Ok. First off, I wouldn't capitalise the "F" in "Faith", as it hasn't been personified. "Nites" should be "nights", and I'd change "dark" to "darkness".Also capitalise your last "i". You ...

Ok, the first thing that struck me about this is that there is no punctuation.I'd punctuate like this: "The darkness of war follows us (omit "it", you don't need it) ...